Silence

Okay, so I don't mean to be a super bitch but just hear me out. I know that I am a quiet person and I mostly just sit back and observe everything going around me. Why do you have to bust my balls and always ask why I am so quiet? First off, the reason why I don't talk so much, is because no one else ever shuts up long enough to hear what I am saying. Seriously, If all your doing is thinking about what you're going to say next instead of listening to the words I'm saying I'd rather not have a conversation with you. On the same note, don't talk over me. I'm not going to waste my time expressing my opinion if you're going to interrupt me. I'm about being courteous, and will give you my full undivided attention. With that said, I expect the same courtesy in return. You'd be surprised how often I don't get the respect I deserve. Then again, maybe you wouldn't be so surprised since the majority of the american society is so deplorable.

My next reason for not talking so much can be summed up by Mark Twain's quote, "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." I consider myself to be a pretty smart person. If I have something to say you can almost gaurantee that it is going to be insightful. I'm not really being quiet, I'm being contemplative. I'm not just going to start a conversation unless I have something of substance to talk about. So don't sit there and command me to talk. I'd rather be in an intelligent conversation than a part of mindless chatter. I can be quite judgmental. I'll admit it. I say this because those who talk to no end, will be categorized in my mind as slightly dumb. Even geniuses don't talk constantly.

To some it may be uncomfortable, but I rather enjoy silence. Too much noise is aggrivating to me. For this reason I can't be around a bunch of drunk people. I don't need to be berated with noise 24/7. I think I began to appreciate silence more when I started taking trips. My first cruise experience was just incredible. I remember standing on the deck watching the sun set into the ocean. So peaceful and breath taking. There was some noise at the time, but it was all sounds of nature. Instances like that would be ruined with people talking about themselves, and their sordid meaningless lives. It is also my belief that in order to really listen you have to quiet your lips more than you think you should. That is why I am quiet. I like to really listen. I have an abnormally long attention span. I think I can attribute that to not having a smart phone. I'd like to wrap things up now since I'm running out of things to talk about. My message to the world is this: Leave the quiet people in your life alone. They'll talk when they want. Just remember to listen. Perhaps they will talk more often if they see you can give them the attention the deserve.

This next Generation has no hope

Just a short one today.

After seeing a post on facebook from a friend about her adorable son, it occurred to me that this upcoming generation whose parents started the facebook/social network trend are going to have their entire lives documented in great detail. I fear this may scar these youngsters way more than what our elders ever did. My peers are a greatly disturbed bunch. I wonder how things will be exponentially worse for our children. How much therapy will they have to endure?

You will never be a nobody.

Sitting at breakfast with my family, I almost broke out in tears as I read the newspaper. The article in question was about a teacher and his vow to ensure all his students feel like they are important. The article goes on to tell a story about a teacher's experience in the sudden death of a student. I saw a lot of myself in his depiction of the student. A loner. Quiet. Shy. Reserved. Moderately intelligent. Most that know me today know I am not quite this person anymore. I eventually came out of my shell. The problem is, is that not everyone finds a different side of themselves like I did. It gets to a breaking point I think.  You either continue to live in this controlled environment and eventually lose the will to continue on. Or, you change and revamp your image. I admit what I did cause a lot of negative attention. That didn't matter to me because at least then I was noticed. I was somebody. Even if that somebody wasn't liked at least people knew my name. After the student in the story collapsed and died one day. No one really knew his name or much about him. His teachers barely heard more than two words escape his mouth in the 3 years he had been attending high school. Out of politeness the student council formed a group to attend his funeral services. I commend this teacher for going beyond what's expected of him. I feel sometimes like after all these years i've been chipping away little by little. Like the student in the article you can only handle so much of being invisible. Then one day you really disappear. There is something deeper here though. Unlike with other diseases, mental disease sufferers look like any ordinary person. You can tell by looking at someone if they're aching inside. With some perhaps, but not with all. Like the student in the story, no one knew he was so disturbed. This makes it more difficult for the hurting to receive help.

I guess my whole point is that nobody should feel like they're a nobody. More importantly we as humans should not make anyone else feel less significant. The problem is, is that our society does rank people and categorizes others as more important, thus deserving higher salaries, bigger offices, bigger houses. I know I'm sounding very communist right now. But it is a part of what our country is suppose to be about. The rights to equality. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Well maybe that was just a dream.

To be continued.

I've had some topics I have been thinking about lately. And I should blog about them.  I would do it now, but I have to get ready for Retama. So, you'll just have to wait. Like I'm talking to anybody in particular. I doubt anybody every reads this. However, since I've gotten a few more followers on twitter perhaps more people will read this. Get a little insight on what goes on in this head of mine. Well. I'm going to get a dressed up now for the track :) Happy Friday everyone!

Pissed

For many reasons, but this is my main one that I've been bothered with for a few days now. I'm so tired of seeing reviews on how horrible Lady Gaga's new Album is. Call me a loyalist but I find her new album fun and enjoyable. The worst part though is that the whole album is about promoting self appreciation and a rejoicing of life. And what do these evil people with hate in their heart do? They criticize and belittle and cut down the integrity of the music. One person even said "this is not music." I bet that person can't even read a page of music. Or sing on key. There, even I have resorted to the same childish antics of the disapproving masses. Let them have their opinions then. But, why not just leave it out of the social media.  

Change

So I haven't updated this in a while. Well here it goes. I'm kind of peeved about work. There is a huge shift coming soon. An uprising in the Army of Hooker's ranks.  There is this fog coming in. How oddly symbolic. Everything was clear, but then I noticed there was a bit of fog engulfing the building in front of me. Now there is no visibility beyond 20 feet. Craziness. Hmm I think it is time for cereal. I will come back to this.

Not doing so well at this.

I wish there was a way I could update this more often. It is a shame I've lived without internet access at home for so long. The dependency on things other than foreign substances put into your body are less deplorable. I think some people should go into rehab for over use of cell phones. How about dependencies on being in the right? What does it mean when you conceded in arguments you know you would have won? That is of course straying away from my original thought of dependencies. Everyone has to have their "crack." Be it Dr. Pepper, morning latte, or heroin itself, we all have those things we just have to have. A compulsory habit even can be like "crack." After mulling it over a bit I realized it boils down to being comforted by normalcy. Having that double mocha soy frappuccino every morning helps keep your sanity intact. Partially from the caffeine, but also knowing that your drink is your drink and you can rely on it. What can we rely on these days? Very little it seems, but the simple pleasures in life when appreciated get us through the day. It appears to be a vicious cycle of depending on somethings to keep a calm and collected mind initially, then the dependency is taken too far, overwhelms and becomes an issue that must be resolved. Only to be replaced by a new obsession. I'm reminded of an  article I was reading the other day; It labeled men at this time, we'll say ages 21-36, as different from generations before.  In that, they are maturing at a slower rate.  Less willing to be in committed relationships. Living as one would if they were a college bachelor. Another fascinating aspect of this article was it was a duel article with a viewpoint from a man and a woman. They both essentially said the same thing. Instead of growing up we seem to be growing down. That goes for both sexes as well. I can not fathom what went through all those peoples minds as they waited in line outside in the cold the apple store for the new ipad 2. This is purely a toy meant for adult's and apparently children's enjoyment. Once upon a time people would read or go out for a movie for entertainment. Now you play a game of angry birds, switch over to your facebook, check in on foursquare at your starbucks.  The root of my frustration is this. It is not socially acceptable to be in the company of others and becuase you are "bored" you have to fiddle with your toy. strike up a conversations. Stop excluding others.  Eventually you will realize that all you need is your gadget.  Then you'll take a look around and realize you're alone. All this gadgetry going on makes it easy to be the antisocial society we're turning into.

I think...

I need more feel good supply.

Ob-La-Di

Life goes on. It is funny how some things make you blind. I'd never have thought I would be delusional, but I finally see the reality.

Blizzard Survival Tips

It is essential to not panic at times of potential crisis. In instances like now it is best to just sit back relax and let the good times roll. I think I 'll get up and get a beer soon.

Goals and ambitions are important.

Just to be clear as to my motives. I think it is therapeutic in a way to express my feelings and apprehensions  and my successes and my downfalls in the form of writing. It was a thought inspired by my sister-in-law's new year's resolution to journal every day. I doubt I'll blog everyday but this doesn't seem so hard. Things are easy in the beginning and quite difficult in the end I am noticing. I can't focus on this at the moment. My mind is elsewhere and I like it that way. A sudden surge of rage comes from deep inside me and I feel compelled to slander the Universe.

Fresh

Always think about the positive. In the end we all have bad times. They make the good times better.
I was reminded earlier this weekend about the Greek myth of Pandoras Box. It got me thinking that maybe its a good thing there is strife. It makes you stronger. Now to the whole purpose of this Blog and its creation. I have my own little private journal already to just vent out my frustrations without censor. This is for the World to get a view from my perspective. This is another outlet to my creativity. I think I'm a smart person. People seem to really enjoy my presence. Plus, I've always been into being a people pleaser. Most would say I'm anti-social. That majority knows very little about me. I have shy moments. I'm not always one to start up conversation. When the situation is right; that is usually how I make friends. Allow me some time to talk and I can go on for days. I keep quiet most of the time because I have a couple of philosophies. First, I believe that deep thought should go into the words you speak. You can't take back what you have said. It's in the history books you could say.  Make sure your thoughts are well expressed through eloquence. I could deal with people thinking I'm ugly and fat and worthless but don't ever call me stupid. I speak better than at least 85 percent of the American population. Which equals to about 65 percent when you factor out the Illegals that can barely string two words together. Different topic for a different day.  Number two, (as I'm sure you are keeping up with me) has to do with tranquility of silence.  Only by quieting your lips may you truly hear. Well I do believe I am done here. For now. It is getting late and I have a lovely day of work ahead of me tomorrow. Ciao

-A